To Maintain

Procrastination and contemplation at Highgate Cemetery


It’s been three months. I’m still here, and I know you are as well. Which, whilst on the topic…who are you? I know ‘you’ are still reading because of stat counters, but are you all, as google search result stats suggest, here for broken wrist advice and pictures? I’d love to know, or if you’d prefer not to reveal yourself, that’s fine as well. Anyhow, I’m still here, and feeling slightly remorseful. Someone asked me yesterday what I do with the greatest success: start, maintain, or finish projects, and with reluctance and self-consciousness I had to respond, ‘maintain’.

I’ve never had difficulties thinking up new lofty goals, and my close friends can probably think of at least a handful of plans to move to Turkey, move to Germany, move to Canada, move to Thailand…none of which went past industrious internet searches and, at the most serious point, completing a TEFL course. Finishing tasks is no great task, either. Sure, I occasionally moan and the amount of procrastination is perhaps a greater-than-average, but most of the time I complete projects by the deadline with any much of a struggle. The deadline is key, though.

Maintaining a project without a set deadline or date of completion has always seemed a bit out of my realm. Especially this project. Since submitting my dissertation, I’ve suffered a major dip in confidence. I’d finished a project that I’d spent nearly the last year musing upon and researching, and the entire summer writing and constructing. It felt like time to write about something else, but as I felt absolutely no authority to write about anything else, I wrote nothing.

I don’t want to write nothing anymore, though.

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