Just the other day I decided to would stop complaining in public forums. Stop complaining about the weather, stop complaining about my self-perceived weaknesses, stop complaining about inconsequential things. Last week I couldn’t stop thinking about the horrible weather: how much better everything would be, could be, if only the sunshine came.
I had an entire post planned on failure. My personal thoughts on failure–my own failures, in fact. I particularly wanted to voice my disappointment with the essays I had written over the course of the last term. The ideas that I was unable to write into fruition. I couldn’t figure out how to get from point A to point B, and, throwing up my hands in frustration, I was done. As soon as I turned them in, I felt sick to my stomach. Relieved to have washed my hands of the situation, but bitterly disappointed. I knew I could do better, but I had neither the time nor the mental state necessary to get there.
The markers returned the essays and my ambition stands vindicated. While earning nothing spectacular, the essays received solid marks and every comment noted and underscored my obvious ambition; my desire to work with complex theories. It just remains to harness my ambition and drive with focus.